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Look for the party, find the party, make the party. You ARE the party. You only go out on nights beginning with a letter of the alphabet. So here's to you. Buy the house a round, dazzle them with your charm, and remember to live by the Commandments.

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Really. It is. Never mind if you're built like a Grecian sculpture, streaking is embarassing for both you and the people watching you. Drink a double shot of single malt before attempting.
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10:58 pm, Mon, Feb 18, 2008
 
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Streaking is Embarassing
 
Mel Gibson's been arrested and rehabilitated for it. Daniel Day Kim's freaked out half of Hawaii with it. Drunk driving's no fun unless you're totally tanked senseless, and when that happens, you know you're better off sleeping off the alcohol than getting arrested for a breathalyzer reading that's way off the charts.
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8:47 pm, Tue, Feb 12, 2008
 
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A Reminder Drunk Driving is Illegal
 
We all know how fun can be fun, but sometimes, going overboard and showing your hindquarters from an elevated spot is a bit too much. Have mercy on the children.
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9:43 pm, Sat, Feb 9, 2008
 
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Nudity is Never Kosher
 
You don't want to end up looking like a Saturday Night Fever reject.
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1:19 am, Fri, Feb 1, 2008
 
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Never Overdo the Hairdo
 
Not always, anyway. Drink too much, and your weenie won't be in any mood for some good lovin' and rubbin'. You probably won't be able to piss straight, either, but that's a different story.
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2:16 am, Tue, Jan 29, 2008
 
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Alcohol Will Not Get You Laid
 
God Loves Drunk Drivers Contributed By Stephen Reinken My buddies and I were celebrating the end of the school year at his house with some cheap wine. George was all proud of himself because he bought the champagne with 12.5% ins
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2:20 pm, Mon, Jul 30, 2007
 
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if you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.
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1:17 pm, Fri, Jul 27, 2007
 
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If you bring booze to a party you must drink it or leave it
 
Six, if you live in a trailer park.
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3:42 pm, Sat, Jul 21, 2007
 
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There are five stages of drunkenness
 
If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.
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3:41 pm, Sat, Jul 21, 2007
 
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Always have a corkscrew in your house
 
3:39 pm, Sat, Jul 21, 2007
 
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If you cant afford to tip you cant afford to drink in a bar Go to the liquor store
 

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